‘Millions of people drive past here!
Your advert pops up 10 times an hour!
Every hour, from 6 in the morning until late into the evening!‘
The advertising salesman is running out of exclamation marks to explain that I'll miss out on a great deal if I don't listen to him now. I'd love to: stop listening to his nonsense… But I'll make him sweat a bit first.
Because I'm sick to death of it.
Why doesn't this company make a note in their system that they shouldn't call me anymore?
That almost every salesperson hangs up on me mid-conversation, or sobs inaudibly softly.
Our telephone operators Adriëlle, Vincent, Fleur, Bart, Else and Micha have known it for a long time.
If that company calls about advertising at the airport along the A2, they can gladly connect the caller to me. Normally I'd rather not, but today I do. With devilish pleasure I will speak to the salesperson.
Perhaps you remember those advertising salespeople from back in the day.
They always called during dinner.
My standard reply was: ‘One moment, my child is in the bath. I’m going to dash upstairs to check he’s not drowning.’
Next, I placed the receiver next to the telephone and calmly finished my plate.
It was always fun to check after fifteen minutes if the seller was still waiting on the line: ‘Yes, it took a bit longer, sorry! My child pooped in the bath. Oh, hang on a sec! I see my dog needs to go out. What are you calling about, anyway?’
Clever salesperson to still manage to sell me something.
Well, the giant screen-by-the-motorway sellers do bring that to mind. Such perseverance!
It always starts like this (when the seller is connected):
‘Good morning Mr Pieper, it's Marcel speaking. How are you? I have a fantastic offer for you. May I tell you a bit more about it?’
Well, what can you say? Who wouldn't want a great offer?
So I say: ‘Yes, I'm always interested in great offers. What are you offering?’
‘Do you know the advertising mast along the A2 near Maastricht-Aachen Airport?’
‘No, never seen it before, why?’
‘Well, there's a very large screen along the motorway that you can hardly miss. Well, *you* can, but almost everyone else sees it. And you can have a fantastic advertisement displayed on it with Adrem Car Hire. A previous advertiser has pulled out, so I have a really great spot for you now. What do you think of that?’
‘Sounds fantastic. I've never seen the board before, but if you display our advertisement there, I think that's a good idea, provided it's not too expensive.’
‘Your advert appears 10 times per hour and is shown for 6 seconds each time. From 6 in the morning until midnight! Millions of motorists pass by the A2, so there are definitely people who see your advert. And all for a special price of €750 for a whole month. Excluding VAT. Valid only today.‘
What enthusiasm.
The man is so happy for me that I almost immediately ask where I need to sign.
But hold on a minute.
A picture that they show for 6 seconds, and that 10 times per hour.
There are 3600 seconds in an hour. So our advert is visible for 60 seconds. Per hour.
And that's not even the whole day.
I asked Marcel: ‘You're a salesman. Can you count?’
‘Yes, of course I can!’ he exclaims. ‘Otherwise I would never have become a salesperson here.’
‘If I am seen for 6 seconds 10 times an hour, and that for 16 hours a day, what percentage of a day is that?’
‘Yes, I can’t say off the top of my head,’ replies Marcel. ‘I’d have to work that out.’
‘Well, just do it quickly,’ I say. But Marcel apparently doesn't have a calculator handy.
‘Calculator on your mobile?’ I try again. But apparently, Marcel isn't allowed to use his mobile during work.
Sorry.
‘In any case, you are quite visible on the advertising mast along the A2 to millions of people who drive past there.’ Marcel persists.
Nice summary of his rambling story.
I tell him: ‘Dear Marcel, it's alright. Not every entrepreneur you speak to on the phone will realise this. But 6 seconds, 10 times an hour and that for 16 hours a day is 1.66% of a day displayed on your advertising mast.
That's not that much.
Or rather: that's ridiculously little.
Marcel, if you were 1.66% of a day at work, would you be quite visible to your boss, or quite invisible?’
‘Beep-beep-beep.’
Oh, Marcel's hung up.
What a shame.
Do you want to be more visible in this world? Then please don't buy into the bull***t stories of salespeople trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Get a calculator or think for yourself.
Do you know what else you could do with that £750?
Draw a large middle finger on the rear window and put your message next to it.
Visibility guaranteed, for all 2,000 km included in the price.
24 hours a day, 30 days long.
