‘Would you like another child?’
‘Do you know how much that costs? €120,000 until they're 18! You could buy a flashy Tesla for that.’
‘You and your money. Can you talk about anything else?’
‘Sure, I can manage that. Give me an extra car. We'll get more use out of that.’
A child is more expensive than a car. That's according to NIBUD. But is that really the case? Let's put them side-by-side.
What do you need to buy for a baby?
- Fuel. Yes, you have to think carefully about that. Breast milk is cheaper than bottle milk. After a year, additives are also needed. It is an advantage that a two-year-old really hardly likes anything. If you just leave it like that, the milk costs are very reasonable.
- Insurance. The costs are also quite reasonable. Health insurance is free. If your child isn't a destructive force of other people's belongings, then liability insurance is really peanuts.
- Road tax. Tax? You even get money back from the tax. At least, if you take your child to childcare.
- Maintenance. That will really cost you money. In the beginning, maintenance is very manageable, just like with a new car. Children don't really notice their birthdays at first. As they get older, the maintenance really starts to add up. Clothes, presents, toys, a bike, phone, tablet, football, music, games console, laptop, going out, schoolbooks, glasses, braces, pocket money, subscriptions, gym membership. An endless list. Even the bills from your Mercedes garage are actually insignificant compared to this expense.
- Financing. You hardly need that, actually. Okay, before the child arrives, that takes some effort for a man. Significantly more for a woman. But once the child is here, there's little else to finance. In fact, at one point you even receive child benefit.
- Parking fees. Because the cost of a nursery depends on how much you want to spend. A mattress on the floor or a super-deluxe high sleeper with a slide? That's up to you. Just realise that a high sleeper will eventually have to go. To Marktplaats or the recycling centre. And your child won't dismantle that bed, that's up to you as a parent.
So apart from maintenance costs, all other costs for a child are quite manageable. And if you have more children, the costs per child even decrease. You can't say that about extra cars. I know all about that.
And how much does a car cost?
- Nutrition. Breastfeeding or bottle-feeding? For cars, there are even more choices. Petrol, diesel, LPG, electricity, Hybrid, hydrogen. Once you have chosen a particular type of nutrition, it is not without obligation. A car absolutely refuses to keep going if you think: "I'll try filling it with something different today than last week." That's expensive. With children, it's a lot easier. You can put all sorts of things into them: pizza, chips, pancakes, pasta.
- Nappies. Disposable or washable? Babies can sometimes have messy emissions, but cars can have some too. Yes, even your Polestar. It might not have an exhaust, but the coal or gas power station where the electricity for your Polestar is generated does have an exhaust. Your baby's nappy explosion is nothing compared to that.
- Clothing. Well, that's a matter of taste. I personally find it an idiotic fad that everyone wants an SUV these days. Big gas guzzlers. And then they forbid me from fat-shaming. My opinion? Mandate that SUVs can only drive in the right-hand lane of the motorway, amongst the lorries. Those drivers like big cars, don't they? Well then.
- Shelter. It's a shame you don't get a car-parking allowance. Although our Tax Office probably wouldn't be able to sort that out anyway. Parking costs can really add up in cities, especially if you're principled against buying parking tickets. Weeks after you've parked somewhere for just ten minutes, you get a fine sent home. Usually a hundred and twelve times more than the ticket would have cost on the street. So there you stand, with your principles.
- Healthcare. If you brush your teeth twice a day, you'll keep your teeth in good condition. Does the same apply to cars? I once read an article about a taxi in Geneva. That taxi drove 600,000 km without needing a garage. Then the engine gave up. Only the oil was repeatedly topped up. I wouldn't risk doing the same with your car. Car dealers are relentless if you haven't had your service on time. No maintenance? No warranty.
- Hobbies. Just like with children, you're lucky if your car doesn't have too many hobbies. I once had a car that could hold its breath for a very long time. Sometimes so long, that it stopped working altogether. That wasn't very convenient. Another car I owned was a real social butterfly. It certainly liked a tipple. I found myself at the petrol station very often.
So: children are obviously a lot cheaper than cars.
Do you know what's even cheaper?
Don't buy a car, hire a car.
Frits Pieper
